Fading Feelings

Originally posted in tumblr.
Date: July 13, 2016
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It’s been 92 days from the last time I wrote something about my feelings and your effect on me. I reckon it was at that period where I was in trance, so much trance that whenever I see your name I feel giddy even if you weren’t talking to me but rather to someone else…just the thought that you’re there is enough.

***“Wala ko kabalo unsa ug ngano na ‘fall’ ko nimo.. I’d like to think nga I’ve come to know you out of your posts but I know too that there’s more of you coz what I only see is very limited and I could be wrong.”***

Before ko nileave for Dubai I told my friends jokingly na ‘what if dli nalang kaha ko modayun sah?’ then we all laugh because they know I don’t mean it… or maybe I do.. haha, not. So…..

fastforward naabot nako sa Dubai and the only person I can share my ‘kahibangan’ was my little auntie – kay older mn ko ug almost 2 years. She bugs me to talk to you or ask you about the coincidences between our activities, she’ll say ‘praning ka na, go ask him’…I want to but I will not, I cannot dare after confessing twice and got no reaction. At first pasagdan ra nako ang coincidences kay bcn timing lng jud diay pero kbntay ko nga murag pirmi nman lang and I mean more than 5 times na, either grabe lng jud timing, same ta ug thinking, nanundog ka nako (haha feeling) or bully lng si Lord ug si Fate or I’m making a big deal out of it…IDKWTD..nyahahahaha cray cray na!

Days passed which turned to weeks and you were occupied with God knows what and I got occupied too with work, movies, books, eat out and decided to not look you up on facebook because it’s becoming unhealthy. I uninstalled the app pa gani for 3 days and only got to check via browser or office PC pero bilib kus imong account mka magnet oi, di ma help.. mkavisit gyud ko plus nka see first pa imong settings so…so mao to I saw your latest post when I was gone nga mag less fb npd ka.. nka ana ko sa akong self ‘joke ni? like seryoso?’ how do I explain that stats of yours? Here I am trying to lay low fb and focus on other social media but ikaw pd?.. I cannot! Anyways, I have come to accept na there’s a slim chance for us na magka-jam or interact often coz first, prio nimo imong business and second, i think naa kay ‘forever’ atm.

The ‘kilig’ is not as strong as before…Few months back you used to drop by on my petty thoughts and non-sense but krn wala na especially after May. Kaingon gd ko ‘unsay naa sa May nga halos everyone was sulking and vulnerable and when June came everybody sobered up.’

Hantod karon migo nag wonder ghapon ko…

-have you seen me? like seen seen..

-did you ever check up on me? because u find me interesting..

-did I make you laugh?

-did you remember our conversation?

-napa ba sa imong phone ang screenshot or rather did u really took a screenshot of what I said that made u feel lighter…

-we’re u happy nga ni greet ko sa imong birthday?

-do you talk about me with your friends?

-ngano dli ka tig reply ug comments but when it comes to me, feel nko you like to because u reply…

but again accept na nako nga maybe wala jud.

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I will end this by a post I shared in April… “I’m afraid my fears are becoming my truths.”

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