Why am I still single?

The question has been on my mind for a long time but I never got the chance to answer “WHY?” until one of my friend in Facebook posted

” The Nganung Single Ko List”

by John Rey Boniol (fb.com/nkpdblgs)

There he stated his reasons why he is single.

He said…

I have good reasons why I chose to be single.

1. TAAS NA KAAYO KOG STANDARDS 

My standards became too high.

2. BUSY KO

 I’m busy – though he really isn’t. 

3. NAA KOY GIHUWAT NGA DILI JUD MOABOT

I’m waiting for someone I know will not come

4. STRICT AKONG PARENTS

My parents are strict.

5. GINA ENJOY PA NAKO ANG MOMENT

I’m enjoying the moment, the freedom.

There is no question about standards because we all have that.  I have mine too but it won’t matter the instance you get the “Zing!” on someone who doesn’t even have a single of those qualities.

The post ended with a question…

“Ikaw? Nganung single pa man ka?”
How about you? Why are you still single?

It was actually a timely post.  I’ve been thinking lately, laying down my reasons but didn’t have time to finish sorting them out of my head.

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In the end I let my fingers type on his comments section and wrote…

“because im an awkward person.. and dghan ko ug issues like bcn dghan pako ug agi.an before sugtan molaag . dpat ga report ko most of the time which is annoying.. am i going to be enough? … how would he deal with my flaws? kaya ba nko ang changes, ang responsibilities as a girlfriend? kay dli ko kabalo magselos, dli ko kbalo mo-insist sa akong self.. kay naa bya juy times na dli namo gnhan.. and dli mn sa dli ko ganhan pero maikog ko if he will spend for me..weird dzae dba? for what pa ang relationship kung akong thinking is mag. iya-iya hahaha…”

Translation:

“Because I’m an awkward person and I have so many issues like maybe I have to do many things before I am granted permission to stroll. I have to report most of the time which is annoying. Am I going to be enough? How would he deal with my flaws? How can I handle changes and responsibilities as a girlfriend? – because I don’t know how to be jealous. I don’t struggle to insist myself to save a relationship specially when the other person doesn’t want to seem to continue.  Lastly, not that I don’t want it but I feel ashamed if he would spend for me. Weird right? For what is to be in a relationship if my thinking is to do things on my own.”

I have observed over the years, say with work and with friends, that I don’t bother to insist myself the first time (or make it twice) I get a rejection OR notice a repellent act. In future relationship I think I would do the same when my other half would overuse freedom. I mean he can do anything he wants, I’ll support him with what he likes to do as long as it does not go beyond the couple bounds. 

And to reason out why I am afraid of the role and responsibilities as a partner because I’m not yet where I want to be. Striving but not there.My mindset is to gain stability first before getting into commitment.

Furthermore, I have enjoyed my freedom too much that I feel choked thinking we have to meet halfway in decision-making.

My friend then replied…

“I’ve read somewhere that girls who have not been in a relationship for a long period of time has difficulty in letting people IN to their life.”

I agree, it’s true. I have a lot of other friends in the same situation.

I typed back and told him…

“how would you want to be in a relationship if you’ve seen it day in and day out in other people’s lives. Plus you have to be careful with your acts because people will judge you, talk about you.”

We, who think alike, have been busy making ourselves independent and wise that we can no longer be easily tricked. The walls we’ve built over time is too thick that it can’t crumble overnight. You can’t really blame us not to be cynical.

However being cynical, on most days, we too have come open-minded wherein we don’t react to small issues anymore BUT could also mean indifference and hurt our partner in the process.

It’s just complicated.

All I (or we – in speaking for others) really want is persistence, patience, and spoiling.

Just stick around and we will warm-up eventually.

XO,

Guil

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